Friday, October 12, 2012

I Hope You Know, This Has Nothing To Do With You...

It's personal, it's personal….and big girls don't cry…..
Ok…I am definitely not Fergie but I've always loved this song..not quite sure why, I guess I just like the "beat"! At least that's what I always told my parents!
But today, today I did the unthinkable for me! I left my husband in Buckhead, Atlanta…and drove my little self all around Atlanta and then some! And I even went to my favorite Pizza place EVER!! And I was ALONE!

I got my pizza and went on my merry way! If you don't really know me then you have no idea how huge this is! It was life changing! I promise!

If I were Jim, I might be a wee bit worried! ( I guess he's lived with me long enough to know that this new me can't possibly last for long!) But for now, I sure am basking in the joy of it and the freedom I felt! I'm not really sure why I've always been scared to do anything alone except for the fact that I've never BEEN alone! Seriously! Sometimes, I long for it! And then when I do get a day of it…I don't feel quite right! I don't love it like I think I should!
But today, today was glorious because this reached a new level of aloneness! I mean, seriously…I tackled the 75/85 thing in Atlanta…

I drove myself to Antico Pizza because I've been waking up at night craving it! (and NO!!! I am NOT pregnant!) It's just the best pizza you will ever eat!

 I got there early, of course…but it was 11:20 and I didn't know it but they don't open until 11:30…I sat in my car staring at the line already forming thinking this was a good thing until the line began to grow…at that point I  hopped out realizing I was prolonging this journey by sitting in the car…and the nice businessman in front of me obviously could feel the tension…I guess of just me acting like I belonged! I'm not quite sure….he said, "You go ahead, you were here before me!" ( how did he notice, I was thinking!) Am I that obvious? Is it that obvious that I am not whole without my better half? Of course, being southern I replied, "It's ok..I'm fine!" To which he said, " I'm meeting someone here anyway, you go ahead!" Hmmm…no chances of me dating if anything happens to Jim! 
Irregardless, I was there in line with the locals, I thought I was looking like a local, and I was enjoying every minute of it! It gave me power! Power I haven't felt since I was in my late teens probably…because that's how long I've depended on Jim to take care of me! 
If I learned nothing else from today except that I can drive through Atlanta with the best of them…if I can find my way around enough to end up at Antico Pizza, stand in a line that only rivals the line at the 'Soup Kitchen' on Seinfeld, and then enjoy eating that pizza alone, shopping alone and driving alone all the way home to Birmingham…I will be ok! 

It was a great thing for me to do and not to rely on Jim so much for everything! (If I told you how I had to mix and mingle and make small talk all last night that might give you an even better picture since our day had been quite long already mixing and trying to mingle with new sources to buy from in Atlanta!) On top of that, I had to wear a name tag the size of piece of notebook paper! I almost cried when Jim gave it to me! The worst part, was that he KNEW I wouldn't like it! So we took a picture to capture the moment!

 I am truly exhausted!
The fun part was me picturing myself as 'Callie Webber', detective extraordinaire! ( Ok, I admit I am reading way too many of Mindy Starnes Clarke's books!) But it really helped! When I woke up 100 times last night feeling panicky that I couldn't do this…that I could not drive away from the Intercontinental Hotel in Buckhead…make my way downtown to Market and do some antiquing and then on to Antico Pizza…I just simply pictured myself as Callie…not Carolyn! I was on a mission…and when I found myself looking to see if I was being "tailed" once I got into Anniston…I knew I was taking this new freedom way too far! But it sure was fun while it lasted!
Just read Mindy's latest book,  The Buck Stops Here! I can't put it down…obviously! I've read ALL of her other books! I love them!
What I truly loved after re-reading this post was my very own declaration…."Am I that obvious? Is it that obvious that I am not whole without my better half?"

Here's to driving in Atlanta and my new found freedom!
( I for one am LIVING for Jim to get home!)


  1. Hi Carolyn, Lately I have also been doing things that previously would have been way out of my comfort zone - and doing them alone. My husband thinks it's great. Nothing like a little adventure!

  2. Ive been there....Good for you! Its funny, but I have also being doing things out of my comfort zone. Maybe its an age thing.

  3. This is such a fun had me laughing! Funny I was the type that never wanted to be alone always had a few friends with me or my husband or someone, anyone just not to be alone, lol. But now.....I have changed so much! I love being alone, I actually enjoy my own company and think nothing of jumping in the car to go wherever I want.....i have even seen a movie alone! Make no mistake....I love my husband, family and friends and they are irreplaceable but I definitely have no problem doing my own thing either and some things are better off being done pigging out on pizza so you have it all to yourself or if I just happen to find myself in the most fabulous chocolate shop ever where fresh nuts and oozey caramel are hand dipped in luscious milk chocolate......(more for me)! See the perks? Fun post....enjoy your weekend Carolyn!

  4. Bravo Carolyn!! This too was difficult for me a long time. Growing up in a large family, then married young! I have now found some peace and solitude in being on my own, going where I please ( well I will when this hip heals (it has been a year)! Delight in the excursions, the possibilities.

    Art by Karena

  5. Carolyn I had to smile while reading this it reminds me so much of my first trip alone to Europe for work. There I was on the other side of the ocean far from everyone and everything I knew in a country where I could only partly speak their language. Not a soul knew me and I was completely alone but after that first scary day I was in heaven! Nobody knew me or what I was about and I loved the freedom it gave me. Now I travel Europe alone endlessly but I've made friends along the way. Congratulations on your tour and I hope you enjoyed it.


  6. You two are awesome together! But sometimes you gotta get away....tackle that interstate :) Fun excursion, Carolyn. Reminds me of my antiquing day trips to PA (about 2 hours from DC). The first time I drove up there I got so was before GPS. BTW, I like those big name tags....kinda corporate looking :)
    Enjoy your Sunday!

  7. Hi Carolyn

    Such a clever post...I have to say I would drive to LA for pizza like that. It looks amazing. Who can resist pizza...or the interstate for that matter!!

  8. You are so funny...if Hobby Lobby was open on Sunday, I would have driven myself the 90 miles to browse and eat at 525 Pizzeria. Loved your post!

  9. This is hilarious! I love being alone, but in Atlanta, it could be intimidating!!
    Now I am craving a pizza! It looks so good.I am glad you had some alone time. It is good for the soul.